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In the Midst of Fleeting Winters
2 min read
It has come to my attention as of late that I am in a dire need to write and yet not a thing comes to mind ever since June 2011 where I walked through the paths of a concentration camp called Sachsenhausen, that I have become that phrase that which means the most to me. Tabula rasa is something that I do not only breathe but feel with every ounce of my being; it's like ever since that day everything that I'm capable of creatively has been wiped clean from my inner being and the easel is blank once more. I do not feel new or refreshed in anyway, spiritually and emotionally I suppose you could say I am more than stable as I have been busying myself with a great many things that amuse and both delight me and yet creatively I am a vast and utter hollow. Empty, my thoughts run rampant on a regular basis so much so that I find myself at times zoned out and their tinny sounds reverberating off my skull near to madness but enough to function.
I stumble upon here once in a while as I no longer have the time nor the attention span to sift through the various amazing pieces of work on here that used to offer me so much inspiration and small nudges to evolve whatever madness lay within this calcified cage, but I miss the camraderie and the support and the criticisms and all things dA. Perhaps, when I get my change of scenery, perhaps I shall return here but for now I'll contentedly lurk here in the shadows until I feel that I have an iota of something intriguing, let alone decent to share with those of the devious nature.
This isn't goodbye, dA. This is simply a slight salutation from the soft shadows.
to all the lifely folk out here who do (and don't) get what that word means.
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Brumal Awakenings
3 min read
Hullo all you that still haunt these pages, and find yourselves drawn here again and again for many a reason. It has been a long time since I visited these places with even an ounce of writing to speak for itself but thanks to 
, something's astir yet again.
It's been a topsy-turvy kinda lot of months and it's probably why I've not been frequenting here as much as I'd like to, not to mention be ACTIVELY participating! What goes on here? It seems I recognize barely a face in here. Oh well, so I've been alrie abiding as much as one can.
My grandfather passed away in the late summer, and then my family and I went on a vacation for my dad's 50th. We went on a cruise to Alaska and it was lovely, what better way to celebrate another year? To commemorate such a wonderful person? Alas, though a certain side of the family has brought about some unpleasantries. We're almost, almost estranged. Or some are being ignored and it's such childish bullshit that it makes me wanna scream. ANYWAYS.
I am a quarter of a century old, and I don't feel any older or seem to be any wiser. My barfday passed so quickly but wonderfully, some friends and I hit up Nawhlins for the t-giving weekend. YES, contrary to popular belief --- Canadians have thanksgiving!! And been working in between, seeing flicks, going out with the fiends, drinking, relishing the warm weather and dressing up for Halloween. You lot get out there and have fun? Or watch scary flicks and give out candy? We did both, hard to believe.
So, it's come to my attention that this is NaNoWriMo, and since poets were feeling a bit left out they decided to make this also 30/30. Let's write THIRTY POEMZ IN 30 DAYZ while those novelists wile away on their typewriters to their heart's content. So, please forgive me from spamming your inbox with a slew of poems. I started a day late, so it's 4/30 today instead of 5/30...but I'll have to make one for Dec 1st also. Ramble at you lot soon.
I've missed this community oodles.
, something's astir yet again.It's been a topsy-turvy kinda lot of months and it's probably why I've not been frequenting here as much as I'd like to, not to mention be ACTIVELY participating! What goes on here? It seems I recognize barely a face in here. Oh well, so I've been alrie abiding as much as one can.
My grandfather passed away in the late summer, and then my family and I went on a vacation for my dad's 50th. We went on a cruise to Alaska and it was lovely, what better way to celebrate another year? To commemorate such a wonderful person? Alas, though a certain side of the family has brought about some unpleasantries. We're almost, almost estranged. Or some are being ignored and it's such childish bullshit that it makes me wanna scream. ANYWAYS.
I am a quarter of a century old, and I don't feel any older or seem to be any wiser. My barfday passed so quickly but wonderfully, some friends and I hit up Nawhlins for the t-giving weekend. YES, contrary to popular belief --- Canadians have thanksgiving!! And been working in between, seeing flicks, going out with the fiends, drinking, relishing the warm weather and dressing up for Halloween. You lot get out there and have fun? Or watch scary flicks and give out candy? We did both, hard to believe.
So, it's come to my attention that this is NaNoWriMo, and since poets were feeling a bit left out they decided to make this also 30/30. Let's write THIRTY POEMZ IN 30 DAYZ while those novelists wile away on their typewriters to their heart's content. So, please forgive me from spamming your inbox with a slew of poems. I started a day late, so it's 4/30 today instead of 5/30...but I'll have to make one for Dec 1st also. Ramble at you lot soon.
I've missed this community oodles.
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Hello darlings, I suppose I don't have too much of an excuse for my increasing lack of presence on here and I don't think that too many of you know me all that well nor the little aspects in my life and what has gone on currently.
See, on wednesday night we were met with some rather unsettling news; my grandfather who lives in Moscow (with my step-grandmother and her daughter) passed away. Seeing as the fact that I, nor my family, have ever dealt with such intense situations as these we're a little lost as to how we're supposed to react and what we're supposed to do. I have actually been to work the day after, keeping busy, remarkably busy and after being fawned on and hugged by everyone I work with tightly got to work. I came home and it's like all this shit is going on and I'm still here, STANDING STILL. It's not all that much like a windtunnel, but it's like I'm watching myself do these things and I'm spectating it all.
My father's 50th is up and coming on the seventh of next month so we booked a cruise from Vancouver to several ports in Alaska for a week. We think that it's in the best for the family and that my grampie would have loved us to go on such a vacation especially at such a difficult time. Apparently, due to this decision my grandmother (ex-wife of grampie) is possibly ostracizing my mother for making such a decision. She has changed her flight so instead of leaving for Seattle for a few days earlier, will try to get in time for the funeral in Moscow on sunday.
I don't think that now is the time, let alone THIS TIME of all times to make such a big debacle of it. ISN'T THIS ABOUT HIM? Shouldn't we leave everything aside and just take into consideration that it's what he would have wanted?!
I am feeling terribly akin to Mersault thesedays. The tears fall when I don't pay attention and my heart is perpetually racing and I feel my insides freeze up. A fist holds my heart in a vice, and it is in a tangible way. It hasn't sunk in, fully so I do not know when I'll break down but I'm really trying to stay strong especially for my family, including my mother most of all. I'm at a loss, fellow deviouslings and I hope the lot of you are at the other end of the spectrum with life thesedays. Thanks for letting me express what I'm feeling and not judging me for it, you don't know how much each and everyone of you mean to me. Honestly.
Life you all,
Anna.
See, on wednesday night we were met with some rather unsettling news; my grandfather who lives in Moscow (with my step-grandmother and her daughter) passed away. Seeing as the fact that I, nor my family, have ever dealt with such intense situations as these we're a little lost as to how we're supposed to react and what we're supposed to do. I have actually been to work the day after, keeping busy, remarkably busy and after being fawned on and hugged by everyone I work with tightly got to work. I came home and it's like all this shit is going on and I'm still here, STANDING STILL. It's not all that much like a windtunnel, but it's like I'm watching myself do these things and I'm spectating it all.
My father's 50th is up and coming on the seventh of next month so we booked a cruise from Vancouver to several ports in Alaska for a week. We think that it's in the best for the family and that my grampie would have loved us to go on such a vacation especially at such a difficult time. Apparently, due to this decision my grandmother (ex-wife of grampie) is possibly ostracizing my mother for making such a decision. She has changed her flight so instead of leaving for Seattle for a few days earlier, will try to get in time for the funeral in Moscow on sunday.
I don't think that now is the time, let alone THIS TIME of all times to make such a big debacle of it. ISN'T THIS ABOUT HIM? Shouldn't we leave everything aside and just take into consideration that it's what he would have wanted?!
I am feeling terribly akin to Mersault thesedays. The tears fall when I don't pay attention and my heart is perpetually racing and I feel my insides freeze up. A fist holds my heart in a vice, and it is in a tangible way. It hasn't sunk in, fully so I do not know when I'll break down but I'm really trying to stay strong especially for my family, including my mother most of all. I'm at a loss, fellow deviouslings and I hope the lot of you are at the other end of the spectrum with life thesedays. Thanks for letting me express what I'm feeling and not judging me for it, you don't know how much each and everyone of you mean to me. Honestly.
Life you all,
Anna.
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Message in a Bottle...
2 min read
Sad to say, I've gone and ran out of witty and pseudo-clever titles to entice people to read these nonsensical masses of bytes and bits on the screen. To be honest, I don't really understand...or better yet I DO understand why each site has a place to write a journal. And it's pretty curious considering it'd be soooo intriguing to read it on one site, but on the other everybody would just think it's rubbish.
Anyways, I'm rambling.
Gut to know that even though I lack any creativity whatsoever thesedays, that I still have enough things running amok up there to bombard strangers with my strange thoughts and musings!
Well now, I've noticed that apparently my presence is not common enough for any IM programs of late...that I've realized how many conversations I can suddenly have going on AT THE SAME time. Aren't we social enough beings in our everyday lives that we shouldn't HAVE to come home from our tedious/droning/tiring jobs just to click the screen open and want to gush every single minute details of our lives to people living across it? You ever have conversations where you HAVE TO REMIND yourself that there -is- another being at the end of that machine, that's it not just a robot?
And, now that I've lost the real hidden agenda behind making this journal...gonna say nice to talk to you lot again. Missed you lot more than I thought I would so please enjoy this little scrap of neurons.
Anyways, I'm rambling.
Gut to know that even though I lack any creativity whatsoever thesedays, that I still have enough things running amok up there to bombard strangers with my strange thoughts and musings!
Well now, I've noticed that apparently my presence is not common enough for any IM programs of late...that I've realized how many conversations I can suddenly have going on AT THE SAME time. Aren't we social enough beings in our everyday lives that we shouldn't HAVE to come home from our tedious/droning/tiring jobs just to click the screen open and want to gush every single minute details of our lives to people living across it? You ever have conversations where you HAVE TO REMIND yourself that there -is- another being at the end of that machine, that's it not just a robot?
And, now that I've lost the real hidden agenda behind making this journal...gonna say nice to talk to you lot again. Missed you lot more than I thought I would so please enjoy this little scrap of neurons.
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Ol' Man Winter has finally awakened...
1 min read
and really I've no idea why I even bother to post these journals anymore, because let's face it I've been quite un-devious these past few months, let alone year. Although, I figured some of you still awake lot would like to know that I'm off to test the snow in PQ (province de Quebéc) for the week so I'll diminish that even FURTHER.
Hopefully, and perhaps when I least expect it I'll find some sort of inspiration in all that snow...whether it's around me, below me or I'm deep within it. Hope you lot have been well and trudging alrie through this 'slop' as the meterologist so happily refers to it as.
Lates!
Hopefully, and perhaps when I least expect it I'll find some sort of inspiration in all that snow...whether it's around me, below me or I'm deep within it. Hope you lot have been well and trudging alrie through this 'slop' as the meterologist so happily refers to it as.
Lates!
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